Mothers, Please Be In Pictures

There is a problem that has been going on for years, a problem that takes some of our best memories from us. This problem is moms not being in photos. I don’t know when this started but I’m guessing around the 60’s or 70’s. It didn’t seem to be a problem with my grandmother’s generation…or maybe my grandma just really liked being in pictures. It seems to have been a problem with my mom’s generation, and has continued to be a problem since then.

We’ve all witnessed it: a moment transpires and a photo is suggested, everyone gathers together for the picture to be taken…everyone but mom. She moves out of the way and makes some comment about her hair or what she is wearing, or offers to be the one who takes the picture. She does everything possible to avoid being in the picture. She thinks she has to look perfect, whatever that means, in order to be captured in a photo.

Looking through my family photos from when I was growing up there is a deficit of photos with my mom in them. We do have pictures of her, but the ratio of mom to others is clearly low.

There are many reasons for this problem, none of which acceptable. All of these reasons should be addressed and action should be taken so they don’t continue. Let’s examine a couple of these reasons:

Reason 1: “I don’t look good enough…”

This is probably the number one excuse given. Our society has made many women think that the way they look determines their value. Women have been set up to believe that if they don’t fit some undefined standard of beauty then they are not worthy of being seen. This sounds extreme but this is what is at the root of this excuse. Many women feel that they often don’t look good enough to be in a picture. They feel that if they don’t fit some personal or societal standard of beauty in that moment then they don’t want their supposed imperfections to be recorded by a photo. They feel that shame and judgement will follow them forever in that photo.

I don’t look good enough…

This of course is absurd…but not unfounded. Unrealistic societal standards are real and they can have a powerful effect on people. In reality though, loved ones and the people who really matter will never pass ridiculous judgement on a mom for what she happened to be wearing one day years ago. We all want memories of our mothers, as they were. Our moms, as they are, are the ones that do so much nurturing, caring, and loving, during our early years. We need and will always cherish those memories.

Reason 2: Moms are the ones taking the pictures

In my experience, moms, by their nature, are often the ones who are most thoughtful. They are the ones who see a situation and say, “let’s take a picture”. They wrangle the kids and get them to pose. They get everyone to smile and snap the photo at just the right moment. Moms are the ones thinking about others and trying to make memories. Moms are busy, and are always trying to take care of everything. Sometimes they need some help, sometimes they need someone to step in, help out, tell them to step in front of the camera, and snap the photo for them. Moms can use a little help, I know I can do a better job of being thoughtful and not rely on my wife to capture all the memories. When dads and others are a little more thoughtful and helpful, moms get in more pictures.

When dads and others are a little more thoughtful and helpful, moms get in more pictures.

Too many family photos are missing the most important person, mom. Too often moms are the ones behind the camera, or off to the side. It is usually easy to see how all the kids changed over the years, but trying to piece together mom’s evolution is a little more difficult. The different hair styles, the different clothes, all these things she may have wanted to hide, are now gone. When this happens you can’t ask her how she liked them, or how they made her feel, because there is no record of them. It is great to see how kids played or posed in the front yard, but how much more valuable would it be to see more images of mom snuggling or tickling those kids?

Both of the reasons mentioned above are not the mothers’ fault. Mothers are amazing and take on so many responsibilities. Others need to step in and lift some of the responsibilities mothers tend to own. Others need to remember to step in and take some photos of the mothers as they do all they do. I feel this trend has been changing for the better and I hope that continues.

Mothers are the most important people in our lives in our early years. They typically do far more for us than anyone else. It is their love, support, encouragement, and teaching that shapes us more than anything. We want to remember her how she was when we were young. We don’t care what she looked like, we will always love her no matter what. Mothers, please don’t let your kids, or yourself, forget the moments with you. Please be in the pictures.